To the Overwhelmed, Overworked, Exhausted Woman Who Wants to Do It All...

I think I've finally realized that the times I'm neglecting my own self care the most are the times when I wish other people would step up and take care of me.

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I did a recent

TikTok video about how I am tired of always being the one who shows up and gets shit done. Yes, being this person gets you a lot of street cred. and admiration but it’s also fucking exhausting.

Being the strong one doesn’t mean you always feel strong. It doesn’t mean your muscles don’t get sore, and you don’t need help yourself from time to time. (Cue Encanto’s “Surface Pressure.”)

THIS RIGHT HERE —> Lately I find myself saying more and more, “I get so tired being everyone’s rock. Everyone comes to me with their problems. Everyone wants me to help them. Sometimes it’s just so exhausting. But at the same time, I want to be the one that everyone comes to.”

Whenever I have been bearing the weight of other people’s problems plus my own for too long, I begin to turn into a weepy child throwing tantrums about how no one helps me. “I always have to do everything!” Becomes my daily mantra.

Now I’ve gotten to a point where I’ve learned how to combat this. I’ve started to realize that when I begin to chant these words on a daily basis what I’m really saying is: “I need someone to take care of me.”

What does taking care of ourselves look like?

At this moment in time I am over the whole saying where people tell you, “You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of other people.”

Forget the other people for a hot damn minute, can we, please?

That means I’m still taking care of myself for someone else. Fuck. Can’t I just get a single solitary moment for me? Please?

Like, how do I do that?

For me it means finding as much quiet alone time as humanly possible.

Tom took the week off of work. Isn’t that exciting?

Still, as he did his best to get frisky the second the kids left for school, I firmly told him to back of and leave me alone.

My me time is precious. It’s something I’m learning to protect more and more. If there were a place where I plug in and recharge…it’s alone in my room, typing out my heart to you.

This is healing. For me.

What is not healing?

Not healing is scrolling social media or watching TV — with the exception of Golden Girls reruns and watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s for the 80th time.

No, I’m not about to spout off more scientific facts about the damage of blue light, or how quick scrolling reduces serotonin. Blah blah. Those things might me true, but for me I’ve realized that watching shows or videos quickly feels like I’m still hanging out with people.

I’ll see a video about a girl teaching you how to dress of your “boxy shape” and my brain immediately begins to question whether or not I have a boxy shape. Do I need to change the way I dress? Do my clothes look weird on me?

It’s tiring, it’s pointless and it never solves the desire I truly have for solitude.

Solitude looks like

For me solitude looks like taking a walk by myself. Of course, I usually try to take my dogs for a walk, but sometimes even that in and of itself feels too stimulating.

Despite the puppy eyes staring up at me, on the rarest occasion, I will leave my dogs at home and take a walk by myself. Oftentimes their company is welcome, and I can still recharge. Sometimes, however, I simply can’t man the leashes without resentment.

Solitude means walks alone.

Sometimes it means sitting at the end of my hallway, closing my eyes and belting out whatever song comes to my heart. (I’ve recently discovered that the acoustics at the end of our hallway are sublime. Plus, the lack of light helps dull my other senses so I can just let my feels out.)

Solitude means going to the gym and being as gentle on myself as I need to be.

Sometimes it means writing or taking a nap.

This is truly the only way I have learned to take care of me.

Not getting my nails done. Definitely not shopping. Just pure, unfiltered quiet in whatever way I can find it.

People are actually helping

One of the most healing things I can do for my relationships and my mentality is to force myself to find the ways people are helping me. None of us is really ever doing everything alone. I know sometimes it might not feel like it, but I fully believe it’s not true.

Tom just brought the blanket in from the couch. This morning he rinsed out our dishes. Whenever we get fast food he always remembers the napkins. When I lose my water bottle at the end of the night. He always knows where it is.

I went up to see my mom last week and packed up all my step dad’s clothes for her. She made breakfasts and prepared our beds. She’s always ready to receive us to stay at her place no matter how long a time frame.

People are helping. We just might have to work to see how. And if they’re not helping, it might be time to stop pouring our energy in their direction. Dontcha think?

Basically, if you’re burnt out…I see you

If you’re feeling me on all of this today. You are burnt out yourself, tired of always showing up for everyone else, I need you to know I see you.

I hope these words help a little.

I hope you find your way to truly care for yourself without a single thought of how it might help someone else.

And remember, the biggest sign that you need to love on yourself is when you are desperately seeking other people to do the work for you.